It's been quite a while since my last post. What have I been up to? Well, it's not that I've been up to anything....but God sure has. I've been being dealt with from my Heavenly Father on some areas where I just was not letting go of the past and still holding on to bitterness that was eating away at me. Part of it from wrongs done towards me....part of it from jealousy...part of it from the fact that I just felt like things should have gone better than what it did? Why? Because I wasn't the center of it happening and the focus wasn't on me. My sin was separating me from my Abba but dang it, it was MY sin and my sin, is after all, better than yours.
I know.... I don't usually talk like this. I'm probably being a little too transparent for some but you'll be okay. It had just become so hard and so tiring of being the one who takes care of everyone else that I had decided that I was going to have some "focus on me" time. Internal focus..... now where is THAT in the scriptures? At first, it felt good focusing on me for a change but the feeling was fleeting. So, I decided to follow Jesus....all over again. What? You mean you didn't know that I hadn't? Well, the old Adam would pat himself on the back at that point and say "Good, they never knew." Unfortunately, someone did know. Jeshua.....YHWH....Jesus. He knew. He always has....He always will.
When will I ever learn that #1- I can't hide stuff from Him; #2- it doesn't matter if I'm in the center or not; #3- is the fun of sin really worth separation from the Giver of Life?
We all know the answer to that. God began a new work in my life a couple of months ago. I sense His presence like never before...I know He was there all along but it's when I finally shut up and listened for Him that I finally heard His presence over mine. Yes, I meant to type that sentence the way you read it. His presence dwelling amongst us....to the point that I sense any Sunday His Holy Spirit may fall upon me in the gift of tongues. I truly felt the onset of the gift a few weeks ago but sensed the Spirit say in my heart, "not yet....in my time, not yours." (Yes, I'm a Baptist unlike any you've ever met before)
The Worship Ministry at church has taken on a new life....because we have all agreed together that the working of the Holy Spirit was no longer going to be stifled in any way, shape or form. It's all about Him and what He wants, not what we come to church expecting to get out of it. Secondly, it's because we have realized that we are first and foremost, there to worship..... before we ever try to lead others in worship, we are ourselves there to worship the King! I'm so blessed to have such a group as they. Words can never express how truly amazing each of them are in their own respects....and the way that God can take a group of individuals that are so different from one another and make it work together, seamlessly, is even more amazing!!!
What are your thoughts? I'd sure love to know if any of you have struggled with something like this.....